Are YOU a turd to your fellow elevator riders?

Inspired by my husband Matt’s frustration with people’s craptastic elevator etiquette this morning, I figured I’d dedicate a little blog post to remind people of the aggravating moves you may be guilty of pulling when it comes to riding the elevator. So with that, I present to you terrible elevator etiquette (and then a reminder of how not to be a turd).

1. I typically walk into my building in the morning, grumbling to myself that I’m in for another long day at work, and as I round the corner, I get really excited that no one else is waiting for the elevator. I should probably add that I work on the 2nd highest floor of our building, so I’m basically always the last one off the elevator. As I wait for my elevator, I start to notice other people gathering around, each taking a different spot, eyeing each other in hopes that they’re standing next to the magical elevator that will open and guarantee them a prime spot. Next thing I know, there are 10 people waiting for an elevator, and the elevator furthest from me opens up. Everyone makes their way down, vying for a spot in the tiny box, and I realize I’ll be the last to get on. Suddenly, out of nowhere, some businessman in his tidy business suit, reading his work e-mail on his iPhone, whips around the corner and STEPS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, without even looking. I’m pretty sure this is my reaction on the inside:

So business people, the lesson on this one is: Don’t cut in line for the elevator. Even if you think you’re ~SO~ important that everyone else around you doesn’t matter, you’re really not. If you could put your iPhone down for like 2 seconds and realize the world doesn’t revolve around you, maybe I could actually get on the elevator I’ve been waiting for for the past 10 minutes.

2. Okay, onwards and upwards to another valid and crappy move. I get on the elevator after a few people and go to reach over to push my floor button.. except in order for me to do so, I’m forced to graze your junk/possibly a boob. I give you a smile and hope, “Hey, I got on the elevator, maybe you’ll get the hint that most times a person enters the elevator, they need to push a button and YOU SHOULD MOVE so they can do so.” Unfortunately, most people who violate this rule don’t think this and instead think, “LOL I’M GONNA STAND HERE AND LOOK AT MY PHONEZ, LULZ.”

In turn, I have to awkwardly ask if you’ll move, in which I always seem to get the same reaction… Person looks up from their phone, gives me a look like I just smashed their phone and punched a kid in the face, and moves a half step back from the buttons. It’s awesome, no really, it is.

Please don’t stand near the buttons on the elevator and get upset when someone asks you to move so they can push their floor’s button. It’s not really the best way to start my morning by being looked at like I’m the worst person on earth, seriously.

3. Okay, last one I promise. Everyone gets on the elevator, we’re all happy, we’re on our way up, woo! We get to someone’s floor, lady walks off and the person standing near the buttons is evidently in la la land. So we wait.. and wait some more.. when I realize this person is NOT a fan of hitting the “door close” button, even though we have another 7 stops to go. Problem is, this person apparently really enjoys standing and being squished in an elevator with random people SO MUCH that they want to extend their time together and let the doors shut on their own.

Okay well, I don’t. I really would like to get to my office so later on I can leave work on time and not miss my train. So if you’re the “button person”, and you work in a building where the elevator doors take forever to shut on their own, hitting the “door close” button makes everyone else on your elevator happy. So much so, they may even want to give you a high five for being so awesome and such a speedy door closer.

Avoid those 3 steps and you’re on your way to not being an elevator turd.

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1 Comment

Filed under Adulthood, Public interactions

One response to “Are YOU a turd to your fellow elevator riders?

  1. Meaghan

    SO I work in the 7th floor in a building that is mostly doctors offices, radiology, stuff like that, so the elevator is generally chock full of patients and doctors. So I can’t really be TOO annoyed with them since they are patients, but this means it’s like their BIG DAY IN THE CITY coming in for the visit from the suburbs. Elevators are very foreign concepts for some of them. So I give them the benefit of the doubt.

    I sometimes get lunch in the caf and will take the elevator back up. I generally get a salad and people take this as an invitation to stare at me, make comments on my eating habits and weight. hahaha

    Great post!! The people who stand in front of the buttons are the worst. It’s completely a power thing, people feel more in control when they are standing in front of the buttons.

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