Reflectin’ ain’t easy

Friday is finally here, and after what I would call a pretty brutal week, I’m happy for a bit of a break. It’ll be nice to not have to think about work or anything and spend time with Matt and the doggies. However, before I kick off what should be a great weekend, I will talk about what’s been really weighing on my mind the past week:

What do I want to do for the rest of my life? What am I good at?

I think I have this crazy pressure on myself that I should be in a certain place in my life because of my age. I’m 26, 27 in November, and it’s scared me a bit to not know exactly what my calling is when it comes to work. I look all these other people around me who are around my age and who seem to have it all figured out, doing things that they love, and meanwhile I feel so behind.

I think a big part of it has to do with not graduating from college within the expected 4 years. It took me 7 years. Mainly because I hated my freshman year of college, transferred, liked sophomore year but then moved to Seattle, took a year off, transferred to a community college to get my AA so I could transfer quicker, went to another school and decided elementary ed. wasn’t what I wanted to do, transferred to University of Washington and finished up my English degree there. It was a lot of bouncing around, and it took me way longer to finish than most of my high school friends, but I did it.

Problem is, they all have 3 years out of college on me that I don’t have. The other problem is that the things I’m interested in or feel I’m good at tend to require more experience that I feel like I can’t ever gain… especially with the way the job-market is right now. It’s hard when you want to tell someone, “Yeah sure I don’t know everything about this but I promise you I can learn quick. I did it in my current job!” but you can’t. This especially comes out with my writing. I love writing; I’d love for it to be a big part of my job one day. (In fact, I edit as much as I can in my current job for people just because I love editing/writing so much.) But it takes time to convince people that they should give you a shot. Part of the reason I created this blog was to better my writing, and perhaps one day turn this into something bigger than a blog being read by maybe 20 people (if I’m lucky). My current job is really fine and I’ve learned so much I sometimes surprise myself, but on the other side of that I’m also learning the things I don’t like.

I think I’m just getting antsy because I want to play catch-up and feel good about my skills. I know I’m pretty damn amazing in terms of communicating to people in a firm but also friendly and respectful manner (trust me, this is a hard one to balance). That I learned from working in the customer service industry for nearly 5 years. I’m also really good at training and teaching people. I have patience and try to make the person less nervous when they’re learning something new. I’m an extremely fast learner, and that’s really come in handy in my current job, because prior to starting here, I couldn’t tell you a damn thing about the financial industry. I’ve got pretty good writing and editing skills, and great critical thinking skills.

This post is all over the place, and I apologize for that. I’ve just been thinking about myself on a professional level and having to examine that has been a little scary for me. I know I need to be patient; Matt reminded me I’ve only been in the career world for less than a year, but it’s hard when you just feel like everyone around you knows what their calling is and you want to be there with them.

I’ll figure it out eventually; for now I just need to remind myself to be patient and remember that I do have some kick-ass skills and will totally pick up even more that I can offer in the future. I know that this is all part of growing up and being out in the real world, but it doesn’t make it any less overwhelming or scary.


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Filed under Adulthood, Reflections

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