I’ve had something on my mind as of late… and it’s about the whole numbers game, the whole weighing myself weekly, dealing with weight gain. The past 2 weeks have been gains. Overall I’m up 3 pounds. I had a really hard time dealing with this after my week of workouts and pushing myself even harder, eating more fruits and veggies, and just being all-around healthy. To step on the scale and see another 2 pounds added on, I can’t lie, it bothered me. I felt pretty bummed out, like all of this work was for nothing.. I fell into the trap that I promised myself I wouldn’t fall into when I decided to change my lifestyle for the better. The GOOD part is, it wasn’t the same trap that I used to fall into, in which I’d give up and start eating bad. That’s not even on my mind, so I’m actually happy that my way of thinking has changed, and that I’ve made such a change in my life, the thought of going back to eating that way wasn’t even something that came into my mind… But anyway.
After listening to numerous people tell me the same advice, I’m finally going to listen. I’m stepping back from the scale, and if anything, writing this to solidify the fact that I will no longer obsess over numbers. I think what’s been hardest is knowing that I have such a long way to go, and hitting gains this early really worries me. But I need to remind myself that this is a journey; it’s not like The Biggest Loser or that other show where these people lose a remarkable amount of weight in a mere few months.
I set out to do this, to change my life, over a 2 year period to lose enough weight to feel comfortable with the thought of having kids in a safe manner. So why the hell am I getting so down on myself when it’s 3 1/2 months in and I’ve lost a good amount of weight? I’m eating healthier than I ever have in years. I’m more active and am pushing myself the most that I have since I was a sophomore in college. I should be proud, so proud! But because of some dumb numbers, numbers that could be from me retaining water, being bloated (because I, like a lot of other ladies, balloon when I’m PMSing), or even have a full stomach of food, I’m sitting here being really hard on myself. I need to stop obsessing with these numbers on the scale.
The only number game I want to be playing is with my calories during the day. That’s something that I will continue to do because it keeps me in check… Though I’ve gotten pretty good about knowing what most foods I consume contain. It helps when you’re eating a lot of the same fruits, veggies and proteins on a daily basis. We take breaks from counting on the weekends just to keep our sanity.. You look at food very differently, so you definitely think a minute about what you’re putting into your mouth.
I’m not putting the scale away, so instead of weekly weigh-ins I think switching to bi-weekly will be a better option for now. As we lose more, probably down to every three weeks. I need to make sure I’m still on track, but I’m not going to obsess with the scale anymore.
What I will focus on is how I feel after those workouts, how I look in the mirror and feel good about myself, how I’m starting to have certain clothes not even fit me anymore because they’re too big. I need to stop being so hard on myself, stop focusing on what I need to lose and start focusing on myself and feeling good how my body is changing.
It’s not really an easy task, honestly. When you’ve been so down on yourself for so long and your self-image has been pretty terrible in the past, it’s really easy to continue sitting in that negativity versus looking at the positives. I’m kind of mad at myself for falling into that; I’ve always gotten really frustrated with people when they look at only the negatives in their life versus the positives. I’ve been a hypocrite and really haven’t stopped to just give myself a damn pat on the back or looked at how much ass I’ve been kicking… To stop and realize, “Danielle, you’ve done a great job, keep it up.”
So blinded by the numbers I haven’t stopped to just enjoy where I am and where I’m going. This is big, and I need to stop and be proud of what I’ve done, proud of what’s to come, and most of all, be proud of myself. Honestly and truly proud of myself, regardless of what they scale says when I step on it.