When things get difficult…

I haven’t really wanted to write a whole lot here recently. Last week was hard and I wanted nothing more than to not talk to anyone, not listen to anyone’s problems, to just zone out and be quiet for awhile. I’m still feeling this way a little, and I find myself more often than not getting lost in my own thoughts and not really listening to people. My cousin Ricky passed away last week at the age of 33, and it hit the whole family really hard.

I knew I’d be sad; I love my family, even though on that side (my Mom’s side) I don’t get to see them very often at all, especially now that I live on the west coast. My Mom is one of 13, and everyone has at least one kid (usually more than that), and now some of those kids have kids, so basically.. My family is HUGE. But yet, somehow, even though there are tons of us, we’re still close. When I found out Ricky passed away, I just couldn’t stop thinking about him, his wife, his two little girls, his mother, his brothers and sister Amy… I could go on. The whole family is devastated. Rick was known for his smile and you could always see how much he loved his family. He worked hard to provide for his family but always made time for Molly and Lucy.. To lose him now, so suddenly, it’s hard to sit and think about how everyone needs to stay strong. How can you stay strong when you’ve lost so much?

It put a lot of things in my life into perspective. I knows it’s cliche to say the whole, “Life’s too short”, but this is when I realize, it really is. It’s been forcing me to think about the hard things, the things that I don’t want to think about. So I’ve been trying to keep my mind occupied by other things, to not think about death, but it’s hard. Things keep bringing me back to it. And I can’t stop thinking about Rick’s family. Those two little girls… It literally has broken my heart for them.

The one thing that I remind myself of is the huge family we do have; they are there to support each other when they need it the most. To support Trish and the girls, Auntie Dottie, Amy, Sean, and Jason.. The family is there for them. It’s hard to be 3,000 miles away from it all, when you want nothing more than to just offer some sort of help or support, but can only offer words. I do find comfort, though, in knowing that my family is there for them when they need it most.

Rick is going to be sorely missed by so many people, and I really don’t think the healing process is going to be easy. But the one thing you can find comfort in for now is the friends and family that are there to help start the process… It’s going to be a very long road but I find comfort in knowing that Rick will continue live on through Molly and Lucy.

Rest in peace, Ricky..