Frustrated, Disappointed and… Proud? What?

I haven’t written a whole lot lately. Part of it was due to wanting some quiet time, another part of it was my lack of wanting to discuss my weight loss, and another part of it was my obsessive planning of our trip to Disney World in January. Today I want to talk about my weight loss trials and tribulations and how that’s affected my writing… Tomorrow we’ll talk about how I’ve discovered I’m an obsessive planner when it comes to our trip.

So yes, weight loss. Guys, I’m frustrated again. And I think I might’ve screwed up my metabolism a bit. Back when I started this whole getting healthier thing, I planned on doing it by just eating less calories. I dropped my intake to 1500, thinking that sounded like a good amount because of some crazy calculations I did in my head. And it worked! I started dropping crazy weight, we’re talking a newborn baby per week. Then I thought to myself, hey let’s add exercise into this mix, I’ll lose even MORE weight! Right? Right?

Wrong.

Ever since I began exercising back in July-ish, my weight loss plummeted. I stopped losing the weight I’d been pulling before, in fact for a period of time I just sat around the same weight, even though I’d been eating 1500 calories and exercising.

It’s been a struggle since that point. I’m sitting at a weight loss of 55 pounds, but that fluctuates, too. I thought I was past my plateau but alas, I’m not. It’s been frustrating, but I’m actually starting to be okay with it. I know that if I continue to eat healthy and exercise, I’m at the minimum making myself healthier in doing so. Do I wish the fat would start going away? Of course.

I did more looking around and researching this weekend and realized that at my current weight, even with the 55 pounds weight loss (and still much left to go), I think I’ve been under-eating since I began working out. I tend to burn around 500 calories in my workouts alone, which would put me at a total intake of 1000 calories per day. I don’t think that’s healthy for someone at my weight, and I’m wondering if the reason I’ve been struggling with weight loss since the exercising began is due to my body being in starvation mode. I’m not 100% sure, but I’m beginning to suspect this.

Of course it took me 3 months to figure this out, and so begins a new experiment: Eating 2000 calories per day. No more 1500, 1700.. 2000 calories. I’ve realized this whole weight loss thing has been a bit of a science; you experiment with different amounts of calories, when you eat, how much you eat at different meals, what kind of exercise you’re doing, etc. It’s been a LOT of trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t work. I’ve come to realize that I feel silly for not thinking about this and how much I should be eating. It’s simple. Eat 2000 calories, burn 500, I’m sitting at the 1500 I used to eat pre-exercise days. I’m hoping this simple discovery leads to a more normal routine of losing weight every week, but I’m not holding my breath.

I think I was hoping not to hit a plateau this early. If anything, I was really hoping to lose 100 pounds and THEN deal with my first plateau. A bit part of this is just knowing how much more weight I have left to lose. I’ve gotten a lot better about not obsessing about numbers, (though with this post you’d think I haven’t) and I swear to you that I’m not actually that upset about it. Just disappointed is more like it. Does this mean I quit? Nope, it means I continue to try to figure out what works. This has been one huge experiment, and while it’s been remarkably frustrating at times, it’s also been an amazing journey thus far. I started this in April, and while I’m not at the 60-70 pounds I hoped to be at, 55 is NOTHING to sneeze at. It’s been 6 months so far and I’ve almost averaged 10 pounds per month!

I’m really proud of myself. This is the longest I’ve EVER gone in my life of trying to eat better/healthier. I’m proud because I’ve realized that this is my life, and it’s not going to change! When I think  about how I used to eat on a daily basis, I’m kind of shocked. It’s weird how you step away from eating fast food, bad frozen food, etc. and you could never imagine going back to eating that on a daily basis. I think having a cheat meal/day has REALLY helped us keep ourselves in check. Plus, it makes you appreciate your food more. There are days where I think about how a burger from some fast food place sounds really good, then I consider how it’d be for a cheat meal and think.. Uhh, no, if I’m doing a cheat meal, at least let it be something GOOD. So in turn, we haven’t had fast food since 6 months. WEIRD considering I used to have it multiple times. Once you step back and take a look at what you used to eat, it’s pretty surreal.

The next six months will be difficult. Since I’ve hit my plateau/minor weight losses, I think the next bit will be a lot of experimenting and trying to figure out what will get me back on track. I’m not asking to lose a puppy per week, but perhaps around 2-3 pounds isn’t asking for much. Especially not at my weight.

Okay, so, why is this an excuse for not blogging? Because there wasn’t much to discuss! I’ve been waiting to get back to losing weight so I could blog to you guys about my choices in food and how I broke through that plateau and have been steadily losing ever since, etc. But I haven’t. And in turn, it’s made me not want to talk about it. But now I’m willing to open up a bit more about it, about how not losing weight in recent times has been a bother, but I’m also learning how to deal with that and the emotions that come with it. Frustration, disappointment, you name it, I’ve felt it. I’m trying to turn it into being proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished thus far, and what I’m going to continue to accomplish. I’m still learning that, as you can see in this post of going back and forth on being frustrated/disappointed and also proud of myself. I try to focus on the overall picture and remind myself that, HELLO DANIELLE. 55 pounds is a LOT of weight. You’re 55 pounds lighter than you were 6 months ago, and a helluva lot healthier! Plus, though the weight loss has slowed down, at least it’s been mainly losses and not gains.

It might take longer than the 2 years I hoped for, but who cares? As long as I’m losing and learning how to maintain that weight loss, that is what matters. And I’m not doing it via some “new” diet (sorry, but that Paleo diet isn’t for me, nor is any other “diet”), I’m doing it the way people should lose weight. Eating less “bad” calories, eating healthier foods, and working out. It’s pretty simple, and sure it takes longer than dropping some silly amount of weight in a short period of time due to eating a ton of protein and whatever, but I’m willing to bet that I will have a much easier time maintaining my end weight than someone who is following a fad diet.

Anyway, hopping off my soapbox about “diets”… I’m hoping I have more to say now that I’m trying something new (with the whole 2,000 calories experiment), and I’ll let you guys know how that turns out. It’s going to take a week or two (maybe a month?)of trying it out, I assume, and seeing actual results (whether I gain, lose or maintain will be interesting to see!). I’ll do some talking (perhaps later this week, depending on how busy I am) about what I’m eating for those 500 extra calories. Regardless of what happens, it should be an interesting experiment to say the least! Adjusting my normal caloric intake with adding 500 healthy calories isn’t an easy task.

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1 Comment

Filed under Exercise, Getting healthy, Weight Loss

One response to “Frustrated, Disappointed and… Proud? What?

  1. sweetopiagirl

    Reblogged this on Inspiredweightloss.

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