Okay, I just realized as I typed that title for this post, I probably just made some people freak out thinking that I’m pregnant. Well, I’m not, so don’t worry. However, this post is definitely about babies and particularly, the transition you go through of deciding whether or not having kids is right for you.
When I was little, I didn’t dream of the perfect wedding. That wasn’t me. However, when asked by your 5th grade teacher as to where I saw myself in 15 years, as a little kid, I thoughtfully said something like, “I WILL BE A WRITER AND HAVE A HOUSE AND HUSBAND AND CHILDREN.” Not so stereotypical little girl about getting married, but apparently fifth-grade me was planning for some babies in the future!
Then as I got older (and I think this especially started creeping up in high school when every so often a classmate would get pregnant), I started to think, “Oh dear God I can’t imagine trying to take care of a baby right now, that’s a frightening thought.” I remember watching Maury Povich episodes of like, 14 year old girls wanting to have babies and I thought they were crazy. It’d also been drilled into my head, babies = you give up your whole life and babies are bad. I knew I didn’t want one as a teenager, and I was starting to think that I wasn’t sure I wanted babies in the future. Not a complete 180 to, “NO BABIES EVER FOR ME!” but I also was beginning to re-think if I really wanted kids in my future. Plus, that Miracle of Life video we watched freshman year? That video traumatized me to think of what happens down there when you have a little baby pop out. Oh dear God, was I second-thinking the having kids thing..
Then I met Matt. We had so much fun together and so much free time. We could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted, without a care in the world. I remember first bringing up the topic of kids to him (I waited awhile before dropping that bomb on him), and asking what his thoughts were on it. He told me he thought he wanted kids, but he wasn’t completely sure. He loved playing with his niece Madelyn, who when we started dating was 2 years old, but to give up his freedom, our freedom, just seemed like it could be a problem. I agreed and felt pretty similar to him. I mean, kids mean your life is over, you become a party pooper, and yeah, they change everything.
These feelings continued, until we eventually hit our mid-twenties and suddenly for me, babies went from being, “Ah, cute baby, meh.” to “Holy crap that baby is adorable, I kinda want one.” However, I wasn’t really sure how Matt felt about this and didn’t want to push it on him since it’s kind of an intense subject and we’d already had a discussion before.
I remember Matt one day suddenly bringing up a name, and saying to me, “I really like this name for a boy.” (I’m leaving the name out because I don’t want anyone to get any ideas, haha.) I gave him a look of trying to suppress a smile and not get overly excited, then said, “Oh.. really? I like that name, too… So, um, does that mean you do want to have kids?” Matt responded, “Yeah, I guess I do. I know I said I didn’t before but I don’t know, something hit me and I realized I definitely want to have kids.”
When I moved to Seattle, we decided to each have our own dog. Matt had Anya, and I got Milo within 3 days of moving here. It’s amazing how many times the words “Wow, these dogs are like having little kids.” came out of our mouths. Between the throw up, the poop, making sure we have someone to watch them when we go out of town, the infinite snuggles, and the random toys scattered on the floor, I’d say it’s held up to be pretty true. I swear, every person thinking about having kids should get a dog at some point their life. It’s a real good indication if you’re made to have kids. If you can’t handle throw up, poop, and everything else I mentioned before, (which really, with kids should be multiplied by 10), then kids might not be your thing. (Please don’t get mad that I just compared kids to dogs, but I think I’m onto something there!)
So yeah, having dogs made us realize that even though they could drive us nuts and sometimes limited us in going out, having them snuggle up and give doggie kisses and unconditionally love you made us both realize, yeah, we’re going to try for kids one day.
Fast forward to now. I have never been so sure about wanting children until I hit around 25ish. I used to not really give much of a crap about people’s kids, but then I nannied the cutest little 2-year old ever, named Dash. He was my little buddy and I loved him so much. I loved chasing him around the house when he was half naked and didn’t want to put his pants on. I loved when he insisted on wearing his rain boots with completely mismatched pants on a sunny day to the zoo. I loved giving him tickle attacks and building Lego houses and reading him books while he snuggled up next to me.
After that point, everyone’s kid became so adorable. Then we bought our house, the previous owners had 2 little kids, in which one of their rooms had the cutest kitty and puppy wallpaper on it (this room is now our guest bedroom). We said we’d take it down, re-paint the room.. and it’s been almost a year and well, it’s still up. We’ve decided that even though we don’t want kids for another few years, we might as well just keep that room the way it is.
It’s weird how the want for kids hit each of us like a ton of bricks at one point or another. Since 25 though, I’ve just been thinking about how awesome it will be to have little peanuts. You know those Disney World commercials where there are home videos of parents surprising their kids and telling them they’re going to Disney World? We want to do that so bad. Every time we see that commercial we both get so excited for doing that one day with our own children.
One day we’ll be parents, and though it’s not going to happen in the very near-future, I can’t wait til we have our own little ones that we’ll be chasing around the house while they’re half naked with one sock on, or singing them the same songs my own parents sang to me as they drift off to sleep, or giving them infinite hugs when they need them the most.