Category Archives: Weight Loss

Dealing with the Emotions of Losing Weight…

While I’ve been on hiatus from my blog, I grew a mustache. I thought it complimented my face pretty well, and I’m hoping it sticks around…

Okay, beautiful mustache aside, this has been the longest hiatus from my blog ever. I just haven’t wanted to write in here. What prompted me to finally make a little comeback was a conversation I had with Matt last night about losing weight and people’s reactions to it. While most of it I don’t really want to talk about on here, because it’d probably make me look like a raging ungrateful asshole, I don’t mind talking about some other things I’ve noticed… Plus, I’m having one of those days where I started nagging Matt while he was driving about dealing with traffic, and in turn I just made myself feel like a huge jerkface, when combined with my current issues I’m dealing with… It resulted in a not-so-fun start to my morning of basically feeling like the worst human being/wife ever. I’m fine now, or well, at least a lot better than I was before, but I still want to talk about the emotions I’ve been feeling lately. I’m not sure anyone will be able to understand this, and I’m a little concerned I’ll either come off as a wackadoo or being jerk, but MAYBE, just maybe, there’s someone else out there going through weight loss and will understand where this is all coming from.

I’m way too hard on myself. I always knew that losing weight would result in some emotions coming up and me having to deal with them head-to-head. I knew this day would come. I would have a serious battle with myself, and I think that’s been happening and festering inside of me for awhile now. I’ve lost close to 60 pounds (57 to be exact), and while everyone around me is really happy for me, cheering me on, telling me what an amazing accomplishment it is, I’m sitting over here not being able to enjoy it. Why? Because I still have so much more to lose to even be considered healthy. It’s gotten better, in terms of being proud of what I have done. I swear to God it has, but it’s definitely not 100% positive on my side of things.

It’s hard to look at myself in the mirror and feel proud of how I look right now. Well actually, that’s only half true. Half the time I look in the mirror when I’m wearing something I really like, I feel really good about myself and feel how I SHOULD be feeling right now. But then, half the time I look at myself in something, or after I’ve gotten out of the shower, and I feel terrible. I’ve still got fat arms, and honestly, I could go on here, but basically, I’m not happy with what I see. So it’s a 50/50 chance right now of me looking in the mirror and either seeing one of the following:

“OH HEY GIRL YOU LOOK SO GOOD! SO MUCH SMALLER THAN BEFORE!” (See in this photo I was feelin’ good!)

OR

“OMG WHYYYY AM I NOT GETTING ANY SMALLER? WHY AM I STILL A FAT BLOB?” (And thus I find myself making this face in the mirror.)

So friends, it’s been a battle. It really has been. Half the time I feel proud of myself, the other half of the time I feel like I need to be losing more weight on a weekly basis and that this whole weight loss thing that my body seems to be resisting against is the most frustrating thing I’ve ever dealt with and that I’m just a failure.

It’s funny because as I’m sitting here writing this, I KNOW that I’m not a failure. I really do! But then something just triggers inside my head, perhaps old demons from my past, I don’t really freakin’ know, but something sets off in my mind and starts telling me that I am a failure and that my numbers should be way bigger than 1-2 pounds (or sometimes a big fat zero). I do think the scale is a big part of it. Which is why I am declaring no weigh-ins until maybe, I don’t know, for a month? I said before I’d do every other week or whatever, but even that was frustrating. This will hopefully help prevent the thing that triggers my mind to basically verbally abuse myself, like some bootcamp instructor, telling me I shouldn’t be proud and I’m always going to be fat.

So it has been difficult to stop and smell the roses, which is honestly quite unfortunate. I SHOULD be stopping to smell the roses, because what I’ve done over the past 7 months is fabulous. I GET THAT. And I get that right now while I’m writing this. But I would be totally lying to you if I said that this is my mindset all the time. Because it’s not. I spend time just being mad that I am not losing weight quicker. I’m working on this, on improving myself and my brain, in telling myself that I am doing well, I’m on an excellent path. I think a lot of this stems from being younger and constantly being teased about being fat (especially by my brother, but most kids tend to torture their siblings and I know I had my fair share of pot shots at him), but that’s MY problem and nobody else’s. I chose to eat what I ate, even after I graduated from high school and after I moved to Seattle (when I put on the most weight). This is nobody’s fault but my own, and so I need to figure out how to get past the self-destructive thoughts.

What I will say though, is through all of these negative thoughts I have had, not once have I wanted to totally binge on shitty food (or at least not BECAUSE I feel upset). It used to be that I would stuff my face when I felt negative emotions. Someone called me fat? Oh, let me eat some cookies or greasy food to make myself better. But now, I don’t do that. If anything I just beat myself up for a little bit and then eat something healthy. Or use that negative emotion to make myself work out when I really don’t want to. This is the part I’m really proud of myself for and I feel like I’m finally taking the negative feelings and turning them into something positive, instead of shutting down and stuffing my emotions.

I think talking about how I feel, talking about how yes, sometimes I feel shitty about myself and my weight loss, and not denying any of that is really really important on this journey, or whatever you want to call it. If I’m not honest with myself, honest in how I sometimes compare myself to Matt and his weight loss (ugh I know, it’s bad and I try to make myself not do that) and can get jealous, honest in how I sometimes get annoyed when I feel like people are telling me I look “skinny” not because they genuinely think that, but just because they’re trying to be nice (this sounds ridiculously harsh and terrible but I can tell when someone is genuinely impressed with my weight loss vs. just being nice)…

Sometimes I need to be honest about these emotions in dealing with my weight loss and just SAY IT OUT LOUD. For the longest time I held in my negative feelings by stuffing them down with bad food. But I refuse to do that anymore and will be honest whenever I can be about how I truly feel.

So no, weight loss is not a 100% positive or glamorous experience. In fact, it’s really fucking difficult. Not so much in trying not stuffing my emotions away with food, but rather dealing with these negative thoughts that come up time and time again. I know it’s only going to continue as I lose more weight, but at least I am ready to deal with this all head on and not pretend that everything is perfect all the time. Because it isn’t, and this is me being honest and open about it.

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Filed under Getting healthy, Reflections, Weight Loss

Frustrated, Disappointed and… Proud? What?

I haven’t written a whole lot lately. Part of it was due to wanting some quiet time, another part of it was my lack of wanting to discuss my weight loss, and another part of it was my obsessive planning of our trip to Disney World in January. Today I want to talk about my weight loss trials and tribulations and how that’s affected my writing… Tomorrow we’ll talk about how I’ve discovered I’m an obsessive planner when it comes to our trip.

So yes, weight loss. Guys, I’m frustrated again. And I think I might’ve screwed up my metabolism a bit. Back when I started this whole getting healthier thing, I planned on doing it by just eating less calories. I dropped my intake to 1500, thinking that sounded like a good amount because of some crazy calculations I did in my head. And it worked! I started dropping crazy weight, we’re talking a newborn baby per week. Then I thought to myself, hey let’s add exercise into this mix, I’ll lose even MORE weight! Right? Right?

Wrong.

Ever since I began exercising back in July-ish, my weight loss plummeted. I stopped losing the weight I’d been pulling before, in fact for a period of time I just sat around the same weight, even though I’d been eating 1500 calories and exercising.

It’s been a struggle since that point. I’m sitting at a weight loss of 55 pounds, but that fluctuates, too. I thought I was past my plateau but alas, I’m not. It’s been frustrating, but I’m actually starting to be okay with it. I know that if I continue to eat healthy and exercise, I’m at the minimum making myself healthier in doing so. Do I wish the fat would start going away? Of course.

I did more looking around and researching this weekend and realized that at my current weight, even with the 55 pounds weight loss (and still much left to go), I think I’ve been under-eating since I began working out. I tend to burn around 500 calories in my workouts alone, which would put me at a total intake of 1000 calories per day. I don’t think that’s healthy for someone at my weight, and I’m wondering if the reason I’ve been struggling with weight loss since the exercising began is due to my body being in starvation mode. I’m not 100% sure, but I’m beginning to suspect this.

Of course it took me 3 months to figure this out, and so begins a new experiment: Eating 2000 calories per day. No more 1500, 1700.. 2000 calories. I’ve realized this whole weight loss thing has been a bit of a science; you experiment with different amounts of calories, when you eat, how much you eat at different meals, what kind of exercise you’re doing, etc. It’s been a LOT of trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t work. I’ve come to realize that I feel silly for not thinking about this and how much I should be eating. It’s simple. Eat 2000 calories, burn 500, I’m sitting at the 1500 I used to eat pre-exercise days. I’m hoping this simple discovery leads to a more normal routine of losing weight every week, but I’m not holding my breath.

I think I was hoping not to hit a plateau this early. If anything, I was really hoping to lose 100 pounds and THEN deal with my first plateau. A bit part of this is just knowing how much more weight I have left to lose. I’ve gotten a lot better about not obsessing about numbers, (though with this post you’d think I haven’t) and I swear to you that I’m not actually that upset about it. Just disappointed is more like it. Does this mean I quit? Nope, it means I continue to try to figure out what works. This has been one huge experiment, and while it’s been remarkably frustrating at times, it’s also been an amazing journey thus far. I started this in April, and while I’m not at the 60-70 pounds I hoped to be at, 55 is NOTHING to sneeze at. It’s been 6 months so far and I’ve almost averaged 10 pounds per month!

I’m really proud of myself. This is the longest I’ve EVER gone in my life of trying to eat better/healthier. I’m proud because I’ve realized that this is my life, and it’s not going to change! When I think  about how I used to eat on a daily basis, I’m kind of shocked. It’s weird how you step away from eating fast food, bad frozen food, etc. and you could never imagine going back to eating that on a daily basis. I think having a cheat meal/day has REALLY helped us keep ourselves in check. Plus, it makes you appreciate your food more. There are days where I think about how a burger from some fast food place sounds really good, then I consider how it’d be for a cheat meal and think.. Uhh, no, if I’m doing a cheat meal, at least let it be something GOOD. So in turn, we haven’t had fast food since 6 months. WEIRD considering I used to have it multiple times. Once you step back and take a look at what you used to eat, it’s pretty surreal.

The next six months will be difficult. Since I’ve hit my plateau/minor weight losses, I think the next bit will be a lot of experimenting and trying to figure out what will get me back on track. I’m not asking to lose a puppy per week, but perhaps around 2-3 pounds isn’t asking for much. Especially not at my weight.

Okay, so, why is this an excuse for not blogging? Because there wasn’t much to discuss! I’ve been waiting to get back to losing weight so I could blog to you guys about my choices in food and how I broke through that plateau and have been steadily losing ever since, etc. But I haven’t. And in turn, it’s made me not want to talk about it. But now I’m willing to open up a bit more about it, about how not losing weight in recent times has been a bother, but I’m also learning how to deal with that and the emotions that come with it. Frustration, disappointment, you name it, I’ve felt it. I’m trying to turn it into being proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished thus far, and what I’m going to continue to accomplish. I’m still learning that, as you can see in this post of going back and forth on being frustrated/disappointed and also proud of myself. I try to focus on the overall picture and remind myself that, HELLO DANIELLE. 55 pounds is a LOT of weight. You’re 55 pounds lighter than you were 6 months ago, and a helluva lot healthier! Plus, though the weight loss has slowed down, at least it’s been mainly losses and not gains.

It might take longer than the 2 years I hoped for, but who cares? As long as I’m losing and learning how to maintain that weight loss, that is what matters. And I’m not doing it via some “new” diet (sorry, but that Paleo diet isn’t for me, nor is any other “diet”), I’m doing it the way people should lose weight. Eating less “bad” calories, eating healthier foods, and working out. It’s pretty simple, and sure it takes longer than dropping some silly amount of weight in a short period of time due to eating a ton of protein and whatever, but I’m willing to bet that I will have a much easier time maintaining my end weight than someone who is following a fad diet.

Anyway, hopping off my soapbox about “diets”… I’m hoping I have more to say now that I’m trying something new (with the whole 2,000 calories experiment), and I’ll let you guys know how that turns out. It’s going to take a week or two (maybe a month?)of trying it out, I assume, and seeing actual results (whether I gain, lose or maintain will be interesting to see!). I’ll do some talking (perhaps later this week, depending on how busy I am) about what I’m eating for those 500 extra calories. Regardless of what happens, it should be an interesting experiment to say the least! Adjusting my normal caloric intake with adding 500 healthy calories isn’t an easy task.

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Filed under Exercise, Getting healthy, Weight Loss

Navigating the World of Clothes!

This is a total “First World Problem” type of post and rant, so reader beware!

Losing weight is great, it really is. I feel better about myself, how I look, how I feel, my ability to not wanting to pass out after a quick jaunt around the neighborhood (though jogging/running still isn’t happening for probably around another 100 pounds, seriously), etc. That being said, clothes-shopping is still a bitch.

I’m still big, so I don’t get to shop at the normal stores. I’m happy to have Lane Bryant and Torrid, but sometimes their clothes are just crazy expensive and I don’t feel it’s necessary to pay $30 for a tank top.

And don’t even get me started on Old Navy (okay, I’ve already started, there’s no stopping me). I used to want to give them infinite amounts of high fives for having cute plus-size clothing in-store that didn’t cost me an arm and a leg. But then, out of nowhere, they apparently felt that having their plus sizes for women in store was just not working (seriously, where did the love go for all the plus-size ladies, Old Navy?), and they made their Women’s Plus section available online-only.

This is infuriating because hi, I’d like actually try this shit on first before I buy it. Okay sure, you give me “free return shipping” but I don’t really have time in my day or my life for that matter to ship it back to you and wait for you to refund my money. Plus, I’d much rather go through the very quick, “Welp, this makes me look 5 times larger than I actually am” deal while in your dressing rooms versus waiting 9 days for my shit to arrive, only to put it on all excitedly and look in the mirror with a sad look on my face of, “Welp, this is terrible and a waste of money and blah.” I can’t even begin to tell you guys how many ugly oversized sweaters and dresses I’ve now donated (with tags) to Value Village or whoever because of this lameness.

Yet I still shop there. Why? Because their pants, for whatever reason, fit me better than any other place I’ve ever shopped. Granted, this may have a lot to do with the fact that because of my size, I’m limited to where I can actually shop, but yeah, Old Navy pants seem to fit me best (with the exception of a few styles that have just been outright way WAY too large and make me look like I’m wearing MC Hammer pants). So curse you, Old Navy, for being the one store that fits me best when it comes to pants. CURSE YOU!

Anyway, enough with the ON rant. Since I’ve start losing weight, things have been fitting obviously either much looser, or items that were really tight before are now fitting normally or even starting to be a bit looser. Problem is, my hips haven’t lost as much as other parts of my body, like my legs, so my pants now fit nicely in the hip area, but are so so SO baggy in the legs. So much so that I feel like a homeless person with MC Hammer pant-syndrome walking around my office. It’s kind of embarrassing, but at the same time I don’t say much since I’m complaining about something good. It’s hard though when you’re still big and inbetween sizes and want nothing more than to just drop enough weight to be able to wear a smaller size.

Every now and then though? I score with a cute outfit and pants that fit me properly:

Shirts have been a slightly different story. I’ve been losing weight more in my upper body, so I’ve actually gone down a size in all of my work shirts. All items from Old Navy have been a size down, which has been great. No problems in this area for the mostpart, it’s the pants situation that has been kind of a bummer.

Quick side story on the shirt side of things: Recently I donated a TON of clothing that no longer fits me (YAY! It usually used to be because it was too small and I lost hope on ever fitting into the items, but now it’s the opposite!), and as I went to put in one of my argyle sweaters that I wore all the time, I kept one of them. I kept it to remind me of how much I’ve lost since I began this journey, especially on days where I’m just feeling extra fat. I throw that bad Larry on, and realize how much progress I’ve made and give myself an epic high five. This sweater, mind you, used to be a little tight on me, and it is now very tent-like on me.

Target has become an option for me to shop at which is really great. Nice alternative to Old Navy when I just don’t like what they have to offer. My major issue with Target is their plus-size stuff, I’d say 90% of it, is really ugly or just not going to work on me for work. That and I’ve had some huge problems with their sweaters pretty much crapping on all other items of clothing in the dryer, causing me to have to pick of little piece of lint. I guess you get what you pay for it, but it’s still frustrating.

Being plus-size and trying to stay on budget when it comes to business casual-type clothing has proven to be pretty difficult. I don’t want to go and spend $100 on clothing only to have it not fit me in a few months… Hence why I’m trying to be frugal when it comes to buying new stuff. If I had a job where I could wear hoodies and jeans and sneakers, no problem, I’d be golden. But unfortunately, that’s not where I’m at right now and so I continue to struggle.

I suppose this is additional motivation so I can have much more of a variety of places to choose from, but it’s going to be awhile before I get there. For now I have to settle for what I’ve got, try to pick out some non-ugly items while not spending an arm and a leg, knowing that I probably won’t be fitting in those items come next year. It’s exciting, but currently? It can be really frustrating.

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Filed under Money, Weight Loss

So do I get a medal now or what?

Guys! GUYS! Remember me? Yeah, so I still have been slacking like, huge, on updating and writing. I’m telling you, when you switch to a job that has you on your toes non-stop, writing copy, you just kind of get home with a brain full of mush and want to do nothing but play video/board games or watch the boob tube until bed time. I actually have some free time this morning, and my brain hasn’t been turned into zombie guts quite yet, so I better get on it while I can…

BUT ANYWAY! Forget all that for a moment because I have some big news… Though I need to address something first.

So I’ve been kind of lying to people here and there for awhile. I stopped talking about how much weight I’ve lost, because I got stuck on a really nasty plateau for well over a month. It sucked to go from 40-47 pound weight losses, but never past that 47 pounds. I was exercising, eating right, and yet nothing. I got frustrated, but I never gave up. What I did do was stop obsessing about my weight and just kept eating right and working out.

Problem is, I got myself into a weird hole by starting off with announcing my weight losses every week (because hey, losing 7 pounds in a week was awesome!).. People grew to expect these epic updates on a weekly basis. So when I stopped updating, I had a few people ask me, “SO HOW MUCH WEIGHT HAVE YOU LOST NOW?!”

Pressure’s always on to spill the beans, and have some huge number. Problem is, I was still stuck at the same number as the last time they asked. So sometimes I’d just round up and say it: “50!” And the person would get all excited, I’d smile and give a little woohoo, but inside I knew I was lying. I didn’t hit my first goal, my first big milestone. Though I was close, I wasn’t there yet. So I lied, and I hated that feeling because more than anything else, with all the work I’ve been putting in, I wanted nothing more than to be able to TRUTHFULLY say I’ve lost 50 pounds.

I apologize for that. It’s just hard when you’ve got people asking you and you feel like you’d disappoint someone by saying the same number as before. It’s weird because I’m obviously doing this for myself, and really I have been! But when someone asks you and you just look at their face (especially parents, that’s the hardest), you just want to make them proud. It’s just kind of how it is when people are rooting for you, you know? You don’t want to let ’em down.

Okay okay, so all that being said, I am proud to say that I have truthfully, as of this past Friday, lost just over 50 pounds. Yup, I finally did it. Broke my plateau, and have made my way to the 50 pound milestone. Man, I feel like I deserve a little medal or something… Maybe something like, “Peace out fiddy!” Or I’ll just settle for being so damn proud of myself. Who would’ve thought that I’d lose more weight by throwing in more calories to my intake every day? Though I mainly do this on workout days, because for some odd reason I lose weight when I actually eat a good amount of my calories burnt. Will that continue to happen? I doubt it, but for now it’s what works.

This whole losing weight thing has become such a guessing game in terms of what works/what doesn’t and how my body reacts to calories. It’s really weird and sometimes VERY frustrating, but when you find that balance, awesome. When you don’t and you can’t figure out why? It’s total suck-age.

The other cool thing though that I’m proud of myself for is on days when I need to eat more calories, in the past, I’ve just added in a few non-healthy food items. For example, I’d add in a candy bar for an extra 250 calories. Not so healthy, right? Now I’ve just been adding in literally an extra piece of fruit, I add in the dried fruit to my oatmeal from Starbucks every morning (I’m so addicted to their oatmeal it’s kind of out of control), 100 calories worth of lean deli turkey for a post-workout snack, some almond butter with pretzel crisps, etc. Much healthier items for extra calories, and you get so much more for 250-400 calories than one stupid candy bar… Though that’s not to say I don’t indulge here and there during the week on something like that.

As a final note to this awesome milestone, I thought it might be kind of fun to post a photo of my progress, compared to January when I hadn’t even thought about starting this journey.  In the 50 pounds that I’ve lost, I’d say a lot of it has come off of my face and my upper torso. Like hey, I actually have a neck again!

January 2011:

September 2011 (as in I just took this right now in my office):

I’ve got a long way to go, and sometimes I look at that and think about how I’m going to get there. Then I look at what I’ve accomplished already in 4 1/2 months and realize that I can do this and I will do this. It will take time and effort and hitting frustrating plateaus, but I will get there. Now I’m just glad I can be proud that I’ve hit Milestone #1, and am on my way to Milestone #2, which is a big one (100 pounds). It’ll probably take more time than the first 50, so I need to remind myself of that and just keep on truckin’ along.

So uhh, yeah, go me!

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It’s Friday and I’m happy!

After my last few posts having been kind of Debbie Downers, I thought it might be kind of fun to celebrate that fact that this week, I am feeling GOOD about myself. A few days ago, I came home to find the clothes from Old Navy I ordered had been delivered. They were a size down from what I normally wear, and I figured if I ordered them now I could maybe wear them in a month or something.

I figured I’d try on my new Bermuda shorts, which seemed to fit quite well. I’m probably around a size down in pants from where I originally was at my highest weight. I can now fit into all of my old-ish jeans which is exciting, and my work pants are actually really loose!

But what was most exciting was putting on a cardigan with a lace-trim tank top and having those fit. The tops weren’t something I expected to fit in right now, as they are a size down from where I’ve been for a long time. A lot of my weight has come off around my upper torso, but I had no clue I’d lose enough to wear new tops.

This really was exactly what I needed. To actually see myself in new clothes, in smaller sizes, it was a really awesome feeling.

My manager at work actually commented on it, saying she could see how much weight I’ve lost when I wore my cardigan and new shirt. It feels so good when people who you see daily actually notice.

ALSO! This morning I thought it might be kind of fun to try on this rain jacket I bought when I was at my highest weight. It used to be tight around my hips where I went to zip it up. Now? It’s so loose! THESE are the kinds of things I really want to focus on; feeling good in my clothes and any new clothes that I’m able to buy! So much better than staring at numbers all day.

SO! My goal is by fall, I want to fit into my North Face jacket again. I am definitely able to at least zip it up right now (which is awesome considering I couldn’t before!), but I want it to be a little less tight. These are the kinds of goals I want to set for myself. To fit into certain items, or to be able to leg press higher weights, to not be winded going up the stairs at the train station… I’m definitely starting to see some of those goals be completed.

On that note, happy Friday! 🙂

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Stepping back from the scale

Photo from google images; not mine!

I’ve had something on my mind as of late… and it’s about the whole numbers game, the whole weighing myself weekly, dealing with weight gain. The past 2 weeks have been gains. Overall I’m up 3 pounds. I had a really hard time dealing with this after my week of workouts and pushing myself even harder, eating more fruits and veggies, and just being all-around healthy. To step on the scale and see another 2 pounds added on, I can’t lie, it bothered me. I felt pretty bummed out, like all of this work was for nothing.. I fell into the trap that I promised myself I wouldn’t fall into when I decided to change my lifestyle for the better. The GOOD part is, it wasn’t the same trap that I used to fall into, in which I’d give up and start eating bad. That’s not even on my mind, so I’m actually happy that my way of thinking has changed, and that I’ve made such a change in my life, the thought of going back to eating that way wasn’t even something that came into my mind… But anyway.

After listening to numerous people tell me the same advice, I’m finally going to listen. I’m stepping back from the scale, and if anything, writing this to solidify the fact that I will no longer obsess over numbers. I think what’s been hardest is knowing that I have such a long way to go, and hitting gains this early really worries me. But I need to remind myself that this is a journey; it’s not like The Biggest Loser or that other show where these people lose a remarkable amount of weight in a mere few months.

I set out to do this, to change my life, over a 2 year period to lose enough weight to feel comfortable with the thought of having kids in a safe manner. So why the hell am I getting so down on myself when it’s 3 1/2 months in and I’ve lost a good amount of weight? I’m eating healthier than I ever have in years. I’m more active and am pushing myself the most that I have since I was a sophomore in college. I should be proud, so proud! But because of some dumb numbers, numbers that could be from me retaining water, being bloated (because I, like a lot of other ladies, balloon when I’m PMSing), or even have a full stomach of food, I’m sitting here being really hard on myself. I need to stop obsessing with these numbers on the scale.

The only number game I want to be playing is with my calories during the day. That’s something that I will continue to do because it keeps me in check… Though I’ve gotten pretty good about knowing what most foods I consume contain. It helps when you’re eating a lot of the same fruits, veggies and proteins on a daily basis. We take breaks from counting on the weekends just to keep our sanity.. You look at food very differently, so you definitely think a minute about what you’re putting into your mouth.

I’m not putting the scale away, so instead of weekly weigh-ins I think switching to bi-weekly will be a better option for now. As we lose more, probably down to every three weeks. I need to make sure I’m still on track, but I’m not going to obsess with the scale anymore.

What I will focus on is how I feel after those workouts, how I look in the mirror and feel good about myself, how I’m starting to have certain clothes not even fit me anymore because they’re too big. I need to stop being so hard on myself, stop focusing on what I need to lose and start focusing on myself and feeling good how my body is changing.

It’s not really an easy task, honestly. When you’ve been so down on yourself for so long and your self-image has been pretty terrible in the past, it’s really easy to continue sitting in that negativity versus looking at the positives. I’m kind of mad at myself for falling into that; I’ve always gotten really frustrated with people when they look at only the negatives in their life versus the positives. I’ve been a hypocrite and really haven’t stopped to just give myself a damn pat on the back or looked at how much ass I’ve been kicking… To stop and realize, “Danielle, you’ve done a great job, keep it up.”

So blinded by the numbers I haven’t stopped to just enjoy where I am and where I’m going. This is big, and I need to stop and be proud of what I’ve done, proud of what’s to come, and most of all, be proud of myself. Honestly and truly proud of myself, regardless of what they scale says when I step on it.

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It’s Friday!… Or is it?

I’m totally having one of those Fridays after an extremely long week that has decided to be more difficult than it should be. Normally my Fridays are a little easier to deal with, people are less tense and needy, and you can kind of sit back and be excited for the weekend. Today is not one of those Fridays.

Woke up this morning, stepped on the scale, then promptly stepped off. We’re getting a new scale that should actually be in today, because our old one has been really wonky lately. Sometimes you step on and it won’t even turn on, other times we’ve stepped on and magically lost 100 pounds over night (ohhhh how I wish it was that easy!)… Recently it hasn’t been re-calibrating itself like it normally does, so enough was enough and I decided we needed a new scale. After doing a little searching on Amazon, I found this one that has excellent reviews. Hopefully it’s a bit more accurate and um, not broken, like the one we’ve had. To be fair though, our current one has lasted us many many years so I guess I can’t complain. Here’s hoping tomorrow is a good weigh-in with the new scale.

Work-wise, today’s been one of those days where my writing is just… well, it’s been a process. I love writing, I really do, but sometimes it’s pretty difficult when it’s hitting a lot of walls and getting lots of makeovers, or minds change about the message, or it needs to be shortened. This is why I love my blog; I have the ability and freedom to write about whatever and whenever I want to. So yes, I’m taking a minor break from my current writing, because sometimes you need to focus on the fun stuff, then go back to the tough stuff.

Enough about my boring writing problems… Workouts this week were great. I pushed myself on both weight training and cardio and felt great. Sore muscles? Yes, but that really awesome kind of sore that makes you feel like you got a great workout in. Yesterday I planned for a quick cardio workout due to being short on time, and I was happy to be able to take it a little easier on the elliptical… As soon as I stepped on the elliptical though, I zoomed away and I guess kind of.. forgot that my plan was to take it easy. I think once I get in the gym with my music it’s like this zone of just saying, “No, you’ve gotta push yourself.” I’m glad my body and my mind does this because I felt good leaving the gym, versus slacking off like I’d originally planned.

Plans for the weekend include the usual shopping trips, breakfast, fun meal, and lots of relaxing/fun. We might even go check out a movie; I’d personally like to see Crazy, Stupid, Love. But we’ll see! Cabin trip next weekend, which I’m always excited for.

OH! I also meant to mention, in my video game nerdiness, that yesterday I totally won a DeathSpank t-shirt playing their Trivia Thursday game. DeathSpank is one of my all-time favorite video games, mainly because it’s fun and absolutely hilarious. If you’re looking for something a little Diablo-esque but also remarkably funny, you should play this game. DeathSpank will be your new best friend.

Last thing I’m plugging, I swear (but it’s also something awesome that benefits people!)… I’ve been using a new music service that’s called Spotify. It is AMAZING. You can access any album, in full! There is a free version, but it has limitations. Matt and I decided to was worth it to just pay $10 a month for it, because it also enables us to listen to the music on our iPhone, and you can actually have offline playlists (so if you have no reception or whatever, you can make your music available to access anywhere in the world.) I have some invites hanging around (because the service is invite-only right now, ooh la la), so if any of you readers are interested let me know, I’d be more than happy to send you an invite so you can play around with the best music service ever. And yes, I will admit it, I was jamming out to Michael Jackson last night on my iPad.

Happy weekend everyone. Feel free to spill the beans on what’s going on in your neck of the woods; I thoroughly enjoy hearing what other friends are up to.

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Filed under Exercise, Music, Weight Loss