Category Archives: Adulthood

Mini-freak out time..

You ever have those mornings where everything is fine, you’re okay with life, then suddenly you read something that isn’t even that bad while sitting at your desk at work and just.. BAM, you find yourself having a sudden mega-panic attack for no reason? Panic attack might not be the best term for it, but you basically start to think about something, overanalyze it, panic sets in, and next thing you know you’ve got tears welling up, lump in your throat, and your nose gets all stuffed… All while staring at your computer screen, hoping your co-worker doesn’t notice. I did the whole “Ughhh allergies! My eyes and nose are driving me nuts!” schpeal so she wouldn’t catch me crying, haha. Worked like a charm..

Anyway, that’s me right now. Or well, was a minute ago. I’ve calmed myself down enough that the tears didn’t make it down my face, no blubbering through snot, and the lump has gone away.. But dear lord, that could’ve been a disaster.

You might be wondering what the hell I’m even freaking out about. Today?

Found on Google Images

It’s kids. It’s the thought of having kids.. Well no, I shouldn’t say it’s the thought of having kids, because that’s something I know Matt and I both want. It’s more the logistics; will I be able to be a stay at home mom for the first bit of their precious life? If not, isn’t it going to cost a TON of money for daycare? How will this change the dynamic between Matt and I? What about my family? Who will want to be involved, who won’t?

There’s various reasons why I panic over these questions. Some stem from my childhood, some from my parent’s divorce, some from just the whole financial-perspective, some just because um, they’re legitimate questions… This all stemmed from me reading a post on A Practical Wedding about having babies and why it’s not that bad, and it just slammed me hard, for no apparent reason (though I’m pretty sure me being overly emotional right now over everything because of um.. err, that time of the month, had a pretty large hand in this whole freak out). That being said, I just couldn’t STOP my emotions and my thoughts from running around and taunting me, thinking of things that would happen in absolute worst-case scenarios.

All the meanwhile, Matt’s doing his best to prevent my freakout turning into a major breakdown. He reminded me these are things we really don’t need to worry about for a long time (we’re talking 2 years here, people), we’ll cross the bridge when we get to it, etc. It’s just crazy because I sometimes forget we’re so far away from having kids, yet it feels so much closer. Maybe it’s because I feel like a lot of people around me are having children, and I start to think about it, as if it’s happening tomorrow. It’s not, and I need to step back and not worry so much about it.

Sure, I hope that I can be a stay at home Mom for a bit, and maybe I will be, maybe I won’t be. I really have no idea how it’s going to turn out. Yes, it’s going to change the relationship between Matt and I, and I’m sure there are times where we’re going to want to tear our hair out, but it’s only going to strengthen things. I have faith in at least that much. And I know that even when I have these sudden moments of panic, and sometimes think, “Well shit, is a kid something I really want?” I start to picture my future with Matt and I can’t picture us NOT having at least one little peanut running around. I know kids, one way or another (even adoption), will be in our future, and we will work it out when we get to that time. But for now? I need to chill out on the baby-panic.



Filed under Adulthood

Tooth Infection Strikes Back!

Oh my dear friends, this tooth infection has taken over my life. Two nights ago the pain got even worse, as I laid in bed and the throbbing continued in my tooth… I knew I would not be making it into work yesterday, and a trip to the dentist was in the books.

After waking up, to no pain, as soon as I got up from bed to go to the bathroom my tooth began throbbing again. I laid back down after calling into work and getting an appointment for 3:50… Then woke up at around 10ish to see that the dentist’s office had called and said there was an opening for noon. I made my way over to the office, where my dentist and everyone else there seemed pretty shocked at how much swelling there was in my face.

After taking an x-ray, he was absolutely baffled at how this infection happened, as my root canal looked totally perfect, but then said that he was going to have to refer me to an endodontist. He said they’d either go in and re-treat my root canal, re-do the entire thing, or maybe even decide to take out the whole tooth (but he said he hoped that they could save it).

I got in the car and called Matt crying because I really didn’t want to lose my tooth, and I hadn’t done anything wrong in not taking care of my teeth to get this infection. After composing my swollen-faced blubbering self, I drove to the endodontist’s office. They took more x-rays, looked at them and told me that this is something that just sometimes happens to root canals, even years after you’ve had one. He then told me he’d drill through my crown, re-treat some of the canals and clean them out, then put a permanent filling in the crown once he was done.

It took around 45 minutes or so, and he told me it went wonderfully and that I more than likely wouldn’t have to go back. He told me to just finish my antibiotics, do hot water rinses, and take my prescribed Vicodin whenever the pain bothered me. The bill was a bit much, since I’d already used up a lot of my dental insurance for this year on fillings (and definitely did NOT see this happening to me), but it was something I needed to get done, so we will have to deal. Infections in your teeth/jaw/gums are not something you want to put off, because of how close it is to your brain and other vital organs. Sorry, I don’t feel like dying from an infection, not today.

I’m still remarkably swollen, and so I’m working from home today. I’ll probably have to go into work on Thursday and Friday, which won’t be a lot of fun because I highly doubt this swelling will have gone down much unfortunately…

In turn, this has definitely messed around with my eating. Sunday I basically threw up everything I ate twice. Monday I ate a bit more, and probably not as healthy but it being the 4th, I didn’t feel too awful having a cider and a brownie. Yesterday I literally had a banana and a pudding cup for breakfast (even those were difficult to eat), then after my appointment I had half of a sandwich, a cookie and some potato salad. While it’s been a weird day of food, your diet tends to get thrown to the side when you’re dealing with teeth issues. Dinner was a little more potato salad and a Healthy Choice soup. Not ideal, but it’s what works for me right now and my tooth situation.

I can’t even say how much I’m looking forward to getting back to eating my normal foods, back to my workout routine, and feeling 100% better again. This whole tooth ordeal has taken so much out of me physically, between the pain, the meds, the swelling, and lack of choices of food.. I am looking forward so much to just getting back to normal life, to have a normal and fun weekend again, to being the happy and funny and healthy me.

It’s amazing how one little tooth, one little bone in your body, can have such a negative impact on your health and your life. I’m just looking forward to when this is all over and I can get back to my life. As much as I love playing Ticket to Ride on my iPad (I’m a wee bit addicted), getting back to contributing to society will be extremely nice.


Filed under Adulthood, Getting healthy

Team Serpico: The Wedding

It’s been too many days since I’ve updated. I planned on writing something Thursday night, but Thursday turned into me screaming and breaking down over things, so by the time I came out of Hulk-mode, it was 11pm, I was emotionally and physically exhausted, and wanted nothing more than to go to bed and not have to go to work the next day. Don’t worry, the whole Hulk-mode freak out thing had nothing to do with Matt, or anything else like that. So again, apologies for no posting but by the time the weekend came here I just needed some laughs and smiles, along with total vegging out. Sometimes you just don’t feel like writing or doing ANYTHING and this was definitely one of those times.

Anyway, while I have a recap of what was a wonderful weekend, full of photos and happy times, I first wanted to talk about the wedding we went to over a week ago.

Kim and John got married in a beautiful venue in Lawrence, MA. I think I forgot it was so close to New Hampshire (aka beefs pagoda – see the text exchange below for reference). Anyway, it was a wonderful day, and once we got all prettied up, we headed out to grab the cheese for the cocktail hour.


We totally had fun with it, because we’re dorks, and finally stumbled upon the coordinator to hand off the cheese. We walked over to the venue and it was such a neat room. Brick walls, sitting area full of vintage furniture, and so much space. We walked around, signed the guestbook, caught up with some old friends (like Nicole, who I don’t think I’d actually seen in person since a random Piebald show in high school, haha), and soon found a seat as the ceremony was beginning. I thought it was also really cool that was we waited, the music playing were awesome orchestral covers of some of Kim and John’s favorites. Definitely heard a little Weezer and No Doubt/Gwen Stefani, classy-style.




The ceremony was short and sweet and beautiful (definitely my kinda ceremony), and it was wonderful to see both John and Kim look so happy. I knew how much work they put into this night so to see it come together was pretty awesome. I think when you’ve gone through planning a wedding yourself, you truly understand how awesome it is when everything comes together. So yeah, they got married and everyone cheered and it was delightful.


We moved over to the building next door for a cocktail hour while the wedding party went and took photos. It was such a neat spot full of art and I totally took more photos than probably necessary, but whatev. We ended up chatting with Doug for a long while (because Doug is delightful), and another guy who neither Matt nor I knew (but I felt like I recognized him from BC, and he definitely seemed to know Doug so, yeah.)



After some amazing hors d’oeuvres, everyone eventually made their way over to the main venue again for the reception. The traditional dances were had, and were beautiful. Kim’s sister danced with her Dad halfway through the father-daughter dance and yeah, that dance as a whole made me a little teary-eyed. I don’t get like that with most weddings, but I swear having been through it makes you so happy for everyone involved because you get it… that you just get kind of overwhelmed with emotion.



Music started playing, and people were definitely filing in and out onto the dance floor while others chatted with their table mates and relaxed before dinner. Oh my God, that dinner. They had BBQ and it was wonderful. I love a good corn bread and mac ‘n cheese and yeah… it was worth it (even though I ate way too much food!) Later on I ate the amazing cake and Matt and I split the carrot cake and chocolate cake with chocolate ganache. Both were definitely to die for and made me want to go buy an entire cake from wherever they got it from. That good, yes.


The favors on the table piqued my interest, as they were way too adorable and upon opening the box, we found BC-colored M&Ms, with “Team Serpico” on the back of each candy. Totally cute, and totally John and Kim. I love when a wedding is personalized and you feel like you get a real understanding of a couple. It makes it special and intimate and you leave feeling like you got to be part of a really awesome moment for your friends.


Eventually I danced (and even somehow got Matt out a couple of times), and overall had a really fun time. We said our goodbyes, as we realized we needed to get SOME sleep before our 4am wake up, and I was so happy we were able to be there, to be a part of such a special day, and to see some of our great friends become husband and wife. 🙂


Filed under Adulthood, Travel, Wedding

Just keep swimming

So I should probably start and apologize for a lack of a blog post, but things have been a little bonkers since we got home. Work has been work, and some other things have kept me extremely busy in my free time, so it kind of prevented me from posting something.

This won’t be much of a long post either, because yet again, my night seemed to slip away from me. Lately that’s how it’s been; I get home from work at 5:30, and I swear it’s like I blink and it’s suddenly 10 o’clock. I mean, I’m just not understanding where the time goes.

Honestly though, due to circumstances that are keeping me somewhat busy outside of work during the week, I think blog posts will be done every other day. It gives me time to think about what I want to talk about but also gives me time to do some other outside stuff that’s kind of important right now. I know I’m being remarkably vague but I need to be, so, yeah. Sorry!

I think once I’m back into the swing of things, and able to balance work among other things I’ll be back to the norm. Plus it’s a long weekend ahead which is always a good thing! So just bear with me for a few more days and I promise things will be back to normal.

For now, I’ll leave you with pictures of the dogs because they make me happy.

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Filed under Adulthood, Reflections

Family, Weddings, and Flying

As I write what will probably be an epic blog post, full of photos and video, I’m actually sitting around 35,000 feet in the air on a JetBlue airplane, listening to Mumford and Sons and surprisingly not entirely hating my flight. Though by the time this gets published we’ll be at home, I thought I could get a head start on writing about our whirlwind but AMAZING weekend full of seeing my family, seeing old friends, and watching two of our favorite people, John and Kim, get married and start a new journey in their lives.

Let’s rewind to Thursday night, where we left our pups and Snifter with Brian and his lovely girlfriend Vanessa. We decided to take a red-eye so we could have all of Friday to spend with my family, leaving from Seattle at 11:30 and getting into Boston at around 7:30 Friday morning. It was so scarily quiet at the airport I was a little creeped out.

Holy crap, one of the worst flights ever. Number one, I’ve never experienced turbulence so horrible in my life. I actually started to get a little nervous because of how bad it was. What really made the flight awful is through trying to get some sleep, a guy 2 rows behind us threw up the ENTIRE flight. And he wasn’t quiet about it either. I felt so bad for the people sitting next to him. I would not have been able to handle someone throwing up next to me in an already claustrophobic space.

So my stomach already gets upset while flying, add this guy puking his brains out and I was miserable. At one point I was able to close my eyes, and as I opened them, Matt was in a fetal position, covering his ears and closing his eyes because he couldn’t handle the noise, either. It was a sad sight, and when we finally landed I blessed little baby Jesus for getting me off that damn flight. The only redeeming quality of that flight was the beautiful sunrise.

We picked up our rental car (which reminds me, I need to leave Enterprise a not very nice review due to some lady there accusing me of lying, and the fact that they charged our credit card 3 times. Epic fail on their part) and headed out to go stop by Boston College. It was so nice to be back in Boston, seeing the old brick buildings and downtown. That’s something you tend to miss once you’ve left… It’s a beautiful city for very different reasons than Seattle, but I adore it.

(Random side note: while these extra legroom seats are nice, the one downside is when someone poops in the bathroom, it literally takes over all surrounding air and nearly knocks you out. Matt and I just experienced this and I want to die. I mean I know people gotta poop, but dear Lord..)

Anyway, we went to the BC campus, and went to the bookstore for a couple of items. However, we were sad to see that the Dust Bowl is being completely destroyed/built on, so the campus is under heavy construction.. Either way, Matt was happy we were able to stop by while we were there, as I know he really misses it.

We headed south on our trek to Abington, and as we drove I was SO SAD to see that the big blow-up lock was NOT on the building it’s always on (anyone who drive Route 3 South knows what building I’m talking about), and so I took a photo of such a naked and sad building.

We got Dunkin Donuts (YAAAAYYY!) and went over to my Mom’s house, where she was hanging out with Brad. It was so nice to be back in little Abington for a bit. Brianna got home from school a few hours later. I missed my little sister way too much! We caught up for awhile, and relaxed after being up all night. Had lunch with my Dad and Brianna at the 99 (Haha chain I know, but oh my word they had amazing warm lobster rolls that were literally all lobster, no mayo or anything. They were amazing.) It was nice to spend some time with my Dad, though he seemed like he really missed me. Those moments are hard and when I wish that Seattle was closer to Boston so flights weren’t so expensive.

After lunch, we went back to my Mom’s house and hung out there with everyone until around 8ish. My mom made some amazing turkey meatballs and cream pie that was super low-cal for dinner and dessert. I think I might need to steal the recipe from her and post it on here because holy cow was it good.

Seeing my family makes me really happy. Though it’s hard to be so far from them, it makes it all the more special to spend time with them. I’m hoping to get Brianna back out to Seattle next summer or something.

We got in our car, entered our hotel’s address in the GPS and made our way up and north to Lawrence. For some reason I forgot that Lawrence is seriously right next to New Hampshire, so it took us around an hour but we made it. Though I thought I would pass out from exhaustion, I was still excited to go over the Bunker Hill bridge, so I had Matt take a photo.

I don’t think I’d ever been so happy to lay on a bed in my life. John, the groom in Saturday’s wedding, made a little surprise visit to our room and we caught up with him. He and Matt even took a delightful (and kind of inappropriate?) photo on Matt’s MacBook Air. We went to bed as we were remarkably exhausted from a long but really fun day.

That night we slept for like 11 hours, waking up at around 10, and knew we needed coffee stat. As we walked down to the lobby, we ran into John again, who was cool as a cucumber, haha. We walked over to Dunkin Donuts, and as we rounded the corner we were stopped by one of the most delightful people on earth, Matt’s old college roommate, Doug. I think the exchange went something like:


Followed by massive bear hugs for everyone. Doug is one of those people who will put a smile on your face in a hot second. We caught up with him for a bit, then got coffee and breakfast (ugh I am now obsessed with those turkey sausage egg white flatbreads). Dunkin Donuts, serving delightful breakfasts and reuniting old friends.

We lazed around our room for awhile, where I obsessively played Ticket to Ride on my iPad. Seriously, 10 bucks to have every version (Switzerland included) of the best board game on your iPad, with the ability to play people online? It’s literally passed the time on this trip so well, in the airports, hanging out, and on my flights.

Okay so, this normally would be the part where I continue on with talking about the wedding, but I realized if I do that, this post will be TOO epic and there are so many photos, I’d rather give it its own post.

So yes, you’ll have to wait to hear about the beautiful wedding, the amazing food (and dear God I will not forget that chocolate cake with chocolate ganache for awhile; totally worth the cheat meal), the dancing (I even somehow got Matt to dance a little, though it took Doug nearly dragging him out with us, haha), the tweets (no seriously, the wedding managed to have its own hashtag, #serpikim) and just overall wonderful time we had celebrating our good friends’ wedding.

We got up super early this morning, and walking out to the car totally heard like 80 birds chirping. We somehow made it from dropping off our rental car and all the way through security in 15 minutes. That does not EVER happen at Logan Airport, ever. It must’ve been a record.

Anyway, we just flew past the Great Lakes, and still have around 2 1/2-3 hours left, but this flight has been much more pleasant than our red-eye. No throwing up, plenty of leg space, You’ve Got Mail on my TV, Ticket to Ride in front of me and the ability to blog is making time pass by much quicker.

Though I’m looking forward to being home with our animals and in our own bed, I’m so so happy we were able to see my family and be at John and Kim’s wedding. Wonderful weekend spent with so many wonderful people! Soon, I will have a wedding post filled with photos and maybe even a video!

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Filed under Adulthood, Marriage, Photography, Wedding, Weekend

Staying positive when surrounded by negativity

I know I said I wouldn’t ever talk about work here, but there are a few things I feel like I need to talk about, or talk through… I also know I’ve recently mentioned that things in the work world haven’t been too wonderful. In fact, it’s gotten to the point multiple times now that I’m either sitting alone wiping away tears, feel like I’m on the brink of an anxiety attack, or feel angry. It’s amazing to me how I’ve managed to be so happy outside of work, and had kept my head up for so long while at work.

I’m a pretty positive person. I like being happy, I like smiling, and I like laughing. I don’t like getting the feeling of being angry or sad for prolonged periods of time. I also believe that negative energy can really affect a person’s physical health in a bad way. So I try to keep that out and away from me. But how do you avoid negativity when you’re surrounded by it? How do you keep going?

I think for me one of the best things to do is to stop, breathe, and think about what is good in my life. Matt, the dogs, my friends… What I am able to have because of where I work. I’ve got a huge and beautiful house and we live comfortably. I think about the things I get to look forward to when I get out of work, what our plans are for weekends, and future trips in the summer. I think that’s what gets me through the most; having something to look forward to, something to keep me going. It’s the light at the end what can be a dark and gloomy tunnel.

Lately it’s been hard. However, I’m grateful that people understand where I’m coming from and that I do have support. I don’t know how much will change, or when it will change, but I can always have hope. I can hope that one day I will work in a very positive environment, where there’s not a constant feeling of drowning but rather a feeling of accomplishment and having a direction. A plan.

That’s what I’m struggling with. Not knowing what the plan and direction is for me, where I currently am. I’ve been patient, I’ve hung in there, I’ve helped as much as I possibly can to move things forward to the surface, and to allow for some fresh breaths of air… But somehow, I keep getting pushed back down; deep down into the dark and murky water, and we’re drowning. It’s hard to have hopes when you’ve been promised that things will change by a certain point, but then you pass that point and it’s still the same.

It’s also hard to lack a mentor. Someone you know you can rely on, who is stable and positive and calm and cool in difficult situations. It gives you confidence in your job, what you’re doing, and who you’re doing it for. When you don’t have that, you feel lost and you feel alone. It’s not a good feeling but I try to teach myself whatever I can.

And how about a teammate? Or just a team in general? It’s good to feel like you’re part of a group or a team, that you’re working towards a common goal together. But when you’re separated from each other, doors are shut, everyone is working on their own thing, where team meetings don’t seem to happen… It doesn’t breed positivity, it gives a feeling of isolation. It’s not a good feeling.

But I’m trying to keep my head up, to keep myself from getting too down. I don’t want other people to ruin my day, so I spend time working on whatever I can, learning as much as I can teach myself, and spend time socializing and getting to know other people around me who are more positive. I also listen to music while I work: Mumford and Sons, The New Pornographers, Guster, Ben Folds, Neko Case, Fleet Foxes… My music keeps my mood up. Focusing on good music, working on things that can only make me look better for the future… and knowing at the end of the day, I get to go home and be with Matt and the dogs, knowing our weekends hold adventures and relaxation together.

So yeah, work hasn’t been easy on me mentally or emotionally, but my life is too good outside of it to feel hopeless and negative. I refuse to let something like that take over my life. I can look at the situation and continue to be angry and upset about it or I can try to do something about it, or at least try to make it less crappy for the time being.

You have to be pro-active about fixing negative situations in your life, things that make you unhappy. It’s become a new mantra for me, I suppose. I was unhappy with the way I looked and the way I felt about my health, so I made a change. You have to be proactive about negative situations instead of sitting around, feeling like the world owes you and that your life sucks and wahwahwah.

It’s not easy, you should have a time to grieve and be pissed/angry/sad, and it will take time to fix some situations, but you can’t give into the negativity. It’s not worth it. And it’s definitely not worth spreading to those who surround you, either.

So I will keep my head up, I’ll get my work done, I’ll think about how good my life is outside of work, and I’ll smile that at least I have that.

Life could be a lot worse.

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Filed under Adulthood, Reflections

Osama Bin Laden, 9/11 memories, and social media

I was sitting here with Matt earlier tonight, looking at Twitter and editing my weekend blog update while waiting for the Amazing Race to come on, when I came across tweets stating that Obama would be making a statement at around 10:30ET about our national security. I got a bit of anxiety, realizing this isn’t something normal, and told Matt about it. I began reading Twitter updates and immediately saw that someone had heard from a reliable source that Osama Bin Laden was dead.

My heart dropped. I immediately thought of 9/11, being a junior in high school, having no idea what happened until 7th period when Ms. Salvetti told me, “Danielle, it’s really bad. We have no more World Trade Center… Just go home and watch the news.” It’s been nearly 10 years since it all happened. The death of Bin Laden brought it all back, and while part of me feels somehow better – or more like, relief because there’s a sense of closure – that he’s finally dead, another part of me is uncomfortable and uneasy.

I’m extremely uncomfortable with the way people are celebrating. It’s just like the same people elsewhere who were celebrating in the streets when 9/11 happened. Death, I don’t think, is ever really something to celebrate. I think if anything, this is a time for people to reflect. To think about how 9/11 affected them and to have some closure.

But I also think some people are blinded by this temporary “celebration”and are forgetting that this is going to cause some serious backlash and there will absolutely be aftermath. I’m honestly not that comfortable with the knowledge that Matt is going to be flying to NYC in a week. I know, I’m probably overreacting here but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I have a bit of anxiety and fear right now. 9/11 was such an intense time for our town when it happened and it’s stuck with me ever since.

I think people who were on the west coast when it happened didn’t really get a full understanding of the impact it had on a lot of the east coast. A man from my town was on one of the flights that flew into the WTC, and Abington being a small town, it brought a lot of people together. I had an intense fear of flying, post-9/11, and though I finally got comfortable again with flying, it took many years of flights, and now I’m feeling the fear creep back up on me. So no, I don’t want my husband flying to NYC in a week. And I’m starting to feel anxiety about flying to Boston. I’m sure I’ll be fine by the time our trip is here, but for now, I honestly don’t feel great about it.

It makes me upset to see the posts on Twitter or Facebook, sometimes having a racist undertone, similar to that of right after 9/11 happened. It makes me sick and angry to see such hate-driven posts. I just wish more people were trying to really think about this situation instead spewing anti-Muslim or anti-Obama garbage, or even worse, talking about taking turns spitting on Bin Laden’s corpse (yes, a classy one I read on Facebook this evening).

I don’t think I realized how much 9/11 had an effect on me until today. I knew it bothered me of course, and I went through a lot of emotions at the time when it happened, but I don’t think I realized how many emotions I still had attached to it until the news flashed across the TV, “Osama Bin Laden Dead.” I’m going to have a hard time dealing with Facebook and Twitter for the next while. To see the jokes, the hate-filled statuses, and “IN YOUR FACE MUSLIMS!” statuses, it honestly angers me.

I just wish people would take the time to step back for a moment and really think about what this all means, what it means to them on a personal level, and what it means for our country. This is a historical event that shouldn’t be taken lightly, and we shouldn’t be so quick to celebrate in the streets. It’s a sobering moment, if anything. It’s amazing how one event can suddenly slap you so hard in the face, right out of your normal every day life, and this is one of those events. This time, though, social media is playing a big part in it, and unfortunately I’m seeing more disappointing posts than I expected.


Filed under Adulthood, Reflections